No Poetic Words [Becoming Who You Swore You Never Would Be]

We are born into a world of billions, but we are told since we are young that we’re unique. You’re special. There’s no one else gracing this world that is exactly like you. Yet, we’re grouped, we’re stereotyped, we’re meant to fit this mold. A mold of what? A mold that is pre-determined, fill your role or fall out of it. These are the expectations, meet them and succeed or choose your own path and then what?

You love. You laugh. You cry. At the end of the day, you just feel. When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, the numbness appeals. So you beg for numbness, a quick elixir for the pain, but at the end of the day what it is it? You fail. Every tear shed, every pain endured, has shaped you to be the person you are today.

You’re beautiful. Why do you settle for being second best? I know the story. I’ve heard the excuses. Why do you fall for the lies? You don’t need him to be happy. Your happiness should never be dependent on the presence or absence of anyone in your life. Except, with him around, you feel a little more whole, a little more okay. Walk away. It kills me to see you being strung along. Every girl that has come before, every girl that will come after, he will sing to them the same siren song that has you entranced. He tells you he loves you, but he can’t be with you. The politics are too complicated. He can’t hurt her, but what about you? You’re allowed to hurt?

You’re the kind of beautiful, when beauty used to mean something. If he can’t see and appreciate that, he’s a waste of your time. But there you are again… waiting, wishing, hoping. Let’s drop this pretense, you wait because you don’t want to shatter the hope. Hope shattered is the cruelest thing in the world. Serve him that ultimatum. Now or never. Nobody deserves to be told they’re not good enough now but maybe later. When does later come? So take that risk. You never striked me as the type of girl who was content with just waiting her turn. If you wait, sometimes your turn never comes. But if you don’t wait, will you haunt yourself with regrets?

I don’t know. I don’t care. I just wish you would see, he’s not worth it. He’s not worth your tears. He’s not worth the hurt. You’re incredible and deserve more than just being a safety blanket.

Taking The Limit

How can I describe to you
These nineteen years to me?
My life is filled with pain (I’m told) and
I believe it
I can’t recall it all, I only feel
The start of my pulse.
When I act,
React (were prisoners of stimuli, I hear),
I can sometimes see the roots,
like twisted branches above a rocky soil

My life is passing still, it’s
Groping, back to find a way ahead.
Only retrospectively can I see change.
But change is all around, is now, as life
But look aback.
What is acceleration of my instantaneous change?

Groping back to find a way ahead
To find a way? Say rather thrust,
-cause and effect.
There is no choice, your mind has already been made, made up.
Not fate, but the inescapability of
A falling sparrow touching ground
Tragic heroes, we more fools, to
Be so noble in our pretty played out lives,
To think we have a choice.

The most
That I can do is have a thought, but even that’s
Not mine. Automatons.

So much of me is someone else
The all of me is everyone else, they’re out.
But what are they?
I’ll take the limit, but what if I find I’m not quite here?

Two Seconds

Two seconds. That’s all it took to reach this moment of instantaneous clarity. Gone are the days that the idea of self took a backseat to the idea of community. Delusioned, was I? Maybe. Somebody has to care, right? Moments of thought made way for moments of action, and now this habit must be broken.

Two minutes. That’s all it would have taken them. What did they do in those two minutes? My expectations for them are too great. Perhaps, the mentality of “Expect the worst, hope for the best and never get hurt,” is something that truly should have been kept in mind. We are young; however, it’s not that unrealistic to expect your friends to not manipulate your trust. Is it that silly to expect them to hold you to even a fraction of the level of regard you allot them? Friendships can be forged in those minutes, and by extension- friendships can be lost in them too.

Two hours. You spend this time burdened by the feeling of worthlessness cast upon you by your own friends. This is the time it took for just one to confess this tragic story of epic proportions. Melodramatic and teen angsty, much? A smirk forms on your face, even while this stark reality haunts you. You should have expected it. They know that no matter what they do, once you care- you will always care. It’s a character flaw.

Two days. Who are we kidding? This decision was not spur of the moment. Somethings need to soak in first. You are who you are because you do not do things in haste, so remove the self and explore different perspectives. These days are spent analyzing yourself, whilst they spend theirs so self-absorbed. The last time you checked- they were the ones so quick to judge, condemn and throw you away at not even a moments notice. It is your own fault, really. The most expendable person is the one who enables this vicious cycle to continue. You have become the victim of your own predictable forgiving demeanor. Who knew that such a world existed that even those who perpetuate the idea of friendship with you, would be the first to take advantage of you?

Two weeks. You noticed that the group skype calls never included you anymore, but did not think too much of it. Friendships can be exclusive, and inclusion amongst your group of friends may be too much to ask for. Contact did not fully stop. You still got the IM’s when they needed depth. They don’t value the person you are, but they do value what you can do for them. The Eros sim. The Crusade for the betterment of the teen community. Even just the reassurance you give them when their world is crashing, their hearts are breaking and their own idea of self-worth is shaking. You wish you could blame them for taking and never giving, but that prize belongs to you- you allowed it.

Two months. Hindsight is 20/20, but that’s all this time has been. You wonder to yourself that maybe if you did things a little differently, said your words a little more assertively- this mess of hurt would not be where you are now. There have been trickles of dishonesty, streams of covered up lies, lakes of people swearing they will change, rivers of friends using you with only their own self-interests at heart that have all opened up into an ocean of confusion and pain. Solace is found amongst the smallest of things. It has always been maintained that mistakes made are not what defines a person, but whether or not they learn from them is a greater indicator of their character. Have they learned anything from it? No, they have not. Nothing is sacred in this world, and they would rather point the finger than acknowledge their own wrong-doing.

Two years. That’s how long you have been in this virtual world. What have you accomplished? What have you gained? Time spent logging on with the belief you could make this a better place. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years with the idea that there is always a sense of purpose. Often times the best things in life are stumbled upon, but because there is no accountability in this world- more often that not, the worst of people always come out. This foolish and optimistic child who had a fire and passion in his heart and a desire in his soul to give everyone the opportunity to not just dream but realize them too… Where have you gone? What happened to your own dreams? He’s gone.

His friends taught him how to trust, and they introduced him to the betrayal that follows it.

Nothing and nobody ever stays the same. Not even for two seconds.

Teen Development Headquarters

Courtesy of Miss Virtual World 2011, Serene Faith:

“The Teen Development Headquarters:

The Teen Development Headquarters is a brand new project within Second Life which aims to help make the transition from teen to main grid seamless and enjoyable for young residents.

We understand that Second Life can be overwhelming for any new user and that the teens that have made the transition might need specialist assistance during their first few months as main grid residents. Another key objective of this group is to encourage creativity, entrepreneurship and networking opportunities so teenagers can establish themselves as part of the SL business community.

This project was created by Serene Faith (Miss Virtual World 2011) and Shae Sixpence (SL business owner) with support given by BOSL owner Frolic Mills and has a designated meeting space at the PG rated BOSL Radio sim. In addition, the teens now have a regular weekly show on BOSL radio to promote their latest ventures, an exhibition room and gallery space plus support from the many professional and responsible adult mentors also in this group.

At any time of the day, an advisor will be online ready to assist with any queries and there is a purpose built notice board showing the online status and career details of each carefully vetted advisor.

Plans are in place to invite guest speakers from a variety of SL creative fields to come and give talks to the teens which will help them develop individual skills and interests.

For more information on this project, please contact Serene Faith.

Email: serenefaith09@gmail.com”

—————————————
Here’s the SLURL: TDHq Lobby Check it out. Kudos to Ms. Faith for spearheading this endeavor. It’ll definitely help teens assimiliate themselves into the MG.

The first guest speaker will be Mr. Frolic Mills on Sunday February 20, 2011 @ 2PM SLT.

Throwback Rambles: Ex-Girlfriend Addiction

Join me, as I digress from the purpose of this blog. Circumstance as of late have reminded me of a previous entanglement, almost 2 years ago:

My first love. I remember our first kiss, and how I’ve never felt those butterflies since. I remember our first date, the way i had to wait months for it to happen made it more special than any date I’d ever been on. I remember meeting your parents for the first time- I hated them before I met them, but by the end they were like my second family. I remember our first dance and the way I held you in my arms. I remember our first fight, and the first time I called you crying saying I missed you. I remember the first roses I gave you accompanied by an “I’m sorry.” I remember the first time you called me a dick. I remember the first time I said “fuck you” and didn’t mean it. I remember the first time I said it and meant it. I remember the first time I’d ever watched the clouds. I held your hand, and you watched my face light up when I finally saw the castle, and you told me you loved me. I remember the first time I thought I’d be with someone forever. I remember the first time my heart was ever really broken.

I remember every first I shared with you. And I miss every second of it, or maybe I just miss the feeling. That inextricable feeling where a single glance could convey volumes, and three simple words could mean the world. I lie awake at night at times in a maze of my own thoughts wishing that I could hold you just one more time. Just to remember that love once did exist for me…

A part of my heart will always belong to you.

And a part of my heart will always be scarred because of you.

The Rebirth

The Eros sim is being defined as the showcase for Teen talent, the best representation of what teens have to offer. Our goal is to help assimiliate teens, specifically designers, into the Main Grid community. We want to expose their content creations to adults.

The sim is made and set. The grids merged on January 21, 2011. All that is left to do is marketing to spread the word. I feel that the first month of the merge is critical for teen talent and is an excellent opportunity for them to broaden their consumer base and create brand awareness.

We are currently featured on the destination guide:
http://secondlife.com/destination/the-eros-project

Our grids top “movers and shakers” were featured on the January issue of BOSL:
http://thebosl.com/en/latest-magazine-issue

A moolto group has been started:
http://moolto.ning.com/group/theerosproject

Found a couple blogs with Eros in it (will update as anymore popup):
http://arwynquandry.wordpress.com/2011/01/22/photos-from-tg/
http://karasecondlife.blogspot.com/2011/01/teen-sim-hits-main-grid.html
http://caitlintobias.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/the-eros-project/

The fashion show is still slated for January 29, 2011 at the Patch Thibaud Auditorium. Other marketing projects are currently underway and will be posted as they progress.

On a side note, the very talented Ms. Asuka Martin (transferred from the Teen Grid in March 2008) has been assisting designers with various questions, serving as sort of a mentor. She has helped them set up their stores on the marketplace and even came up with a pricing guide for teens.

The Eros Auction

The merge had been postponed from December 31, 2010, to the first week of January to January 20, 2011. When the Eros sim concept was first formed, the poor socio-economic level of the Teen Grid community was taken into account. Designers accustomed to making thousands of L$ a week were lucky to make hundreds of L$. Thus, the idea was that the second collection of rent would not be collected until we were at least a week into the merge. This did not happen.

The Eros Board did not feel that any renter should be not given the opportunity to continue renting because of financial difficulties. Rotemis (Rosaliehale Quintessa & Artemis Kangjon) developed the Eros Auction to make up for the rent deficit with contributions from Karissa Silversmith, Tallie Emms & Yuki Republic.

Here is the list of what was auctioned and for how much:

Yuki’s Dress- 1065 – Kittie Carolina
Karissa’s Earings -500L – Yuki Republic
Surprise Bag- 200L – Chuckles (wolf.rothmanay)
Golden Ticket- 500L – Chuckles
Wonderwoman costume- 400L – Heatherr Vespucianno

EM Position: 2502- Artemis Kangjon

People-

Artemis Kangjon- 700L -Yuki Republic
Thrift Wahwah- 100L -Artemis Kangjon
Smartie Miami- 6500L -Heatherr Vespucianno (Intense Bid War :P)
DylanRyan Faith- 3500L -Yuki Republic
RosalieHale Quintessa-1003L-New Rome o.O

A total of 16,970L$ was collected from the auction, as well as a 5950L$ contribution from Hayley Seorn. Much thanks to all the contributors and the bidders. You guys rock and are definitely keeping Eros afloat!

On a more personal note: Sean, Rose, Kali, Heather, Paul, Curtis… Thank you so much. You guys really are the Eros Board of Trustees 😛 Your faith in this project and support, I wish I could put into words how much it means to me and how much it means to our TG community. There is nothing I would not do for any of you. You mean more to me than all the nutella in the world (now that’s a statement) and are what keep me going ❤

Teen Grid Price Merge Sale!

With the merge date finalized for Thursday January 20, 2011…

The practical implications of this merge is that teens will have access to all PG sims and content, and all adults will be exposed to teen content creations. The goal is for teen storeowners to broaden their consumer base to adults.

Vaughan Vendetta has put together a plan of action to help teens capitalize on this opportunity, since we will only merge once.

From January 20 to 24, all participating designers will maintain their teen grid store prices. On average, items are at least 75% cheaper on the Teen Grid than on the Main Grid. This gives adults a chance to access TG content for a very low price. To put this in mild perspective, clothing (jeans, dresses, skirts, shirts, etc) cost any where from 50L- 90L on the Teen Grid, whereas the same article of clothing would cost upwards of 200L. This sale will give teens a chance to develop a brand awareness amongst adults.

After this sale, teens will raise their prices so they are compareable based on the Main Grid economy.

His plan also gives teens a better understanding of how much of a role fashion bloggers play on the Main Grid.

More news will be posted, as we finalize the list of participants. It is anticipated that all Eros sim renters will be counted amongst them.

Fashion of Self-Destruction

Am I made of fabrics of constraint?
Fine silk of repression and memories that you and I won’t forget?

Please tell me that you believe in me because in the fervor of this dissolution I’ve come to realize what I’ve known the whole time.

I don’t care, I won’t believe and I will not forgive.

In this false sense of achievement my mediocrity shines with indifference on my side.
The times when friends were family and family was god have been washed off by this new sense of disappointment and I’m starting to contradict the way of evolution.

At least I can be happy to feel and hate.
Beware! If the spotlight of future targets me I’m certain that someone won’t be able to get me out of their head.

Obviously, I’m the cutest model in the new fashion of self-destruction.